Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
