I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want her autograph on my taint
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
