Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
