chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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