I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
