I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
