census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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