And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
