Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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