he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
