I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
