Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
