the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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