Are we in a gay sports bar?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
