paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
