My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
