shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize