He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
