So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
