umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm at about main and main street
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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