My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You are the jesus of drinking
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
