we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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