My friends, they love my intelligence
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
