Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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