Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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