If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
