once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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