New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
