Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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