it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
