We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize