Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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