why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
