come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
