Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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