Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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