dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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