dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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