You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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