is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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