either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
