Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
