dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
