i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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