wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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