he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
