I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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