me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
