The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
