I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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