She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
