Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
