her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
