I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
