yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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