Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
