Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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