she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
