.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm having to shit out rocks
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