he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
