I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
