I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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