I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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