Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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