1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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