she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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