roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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