Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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