dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
