Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
