i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
