You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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