i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
