Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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