in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
