One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
